


Utterly

by CarnivalofBrokenDolls (yourrhinestoneeyes)



Category: Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: F/M, Joker misses Harley, Love sucks, some spoilers from Suicide Squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 10:36:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7754407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/CarnivalofBrokenDolls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He isn't entirely sure just when he fell completely in love with her, he just knows that it happened, and he doesn't know how the Hell to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Utterly

He really couldn’t pin point the exact moment that he knew he was utterly fucked.

Was it when the two of them stood at the railing in ACE staring down at the vats, the same vats that turned him into the monster he was?

He hadn’t meant to really care about the girl, he hadn’t meant to feel something for her. Yet the entire time he talked to her he couldn’t keep his eyes or his hands off of her. He stroked her arms, he touched her curly locks of blond hair, and he found his eyes locked on her pouty pink lips time and time again. He hated himself for being so distracted by some girl, some girl obsessed with lunatics like himself. He hadn’t meant to dive in after her, but that breath taking pain in his chest had caused him to stop.

It had caused him to turn and run back to the railing, to scan the bubbling green chemicals waiting to see her break the surface. She hadn’t, not a single motion signaled that Harleen....His Harleen was alive. So in he had dove, he went down, down, down; all for this woman.

A woman he swore he despised, a woman he swore he merely used as a means to escape from Arkham. Yet he was diving into a pool of death for her, he found her laying at the bottom and wrapped his arms firmly around her tiny waist and quickly brought her back to the surface. Her body was still, no sign of life, but also no sign of Harleen Quinzel. She looked something like him, something new, and almost not completely human. She was breath takingly beautiful though and now there was this sort of heavy feeling in his chest that joined in with the sharp pain, it formed a horrible little rhythm in his body. 

He found himself placing his lips over hers, he found himself breathing into her mouth giving her life that he had just tried taking away from her. When she gasped and opened her eyes he felt his heart stop completely. It seemed like everything came to a screeching halt, all the little gears in his head stopped working. He was completely lost; she was gripping his arms tightly as if he were an anchor keeping her from drowning all over again. She grinned up at him like he hadn’t spent days yelling at her and telling her to leave him alone before he killed her, she grinned a lot like him. He found himself laughing at this, all of this, and she laughed too. He found himself kissing her, he found himself burying his fingers in her chemically soaked multi colored hair and holding her body as closely as he could. He kissed her in a way he vaguely remembered kissing another woman many years ago, but nobody since then. Not until now, not until Harley.

Harleen Quinzel had been interesting, but Harley Quinn was something completely different. She was exciting and she was terrifying; some days he loathed her, but most days he found himself so sickly addicted to her. Joker found himself showering her with gifts, anything his queen wanted he would get for her. When they walked through Gotham together she would point to necklaces and purses in store windows that she wanted, he would promptly break the glass with his walking stick and grab out whatever it was his queen wanted. No matter how insane she drove him he’d do anything for his queen and maybe that was how he ended up so utterly fucked.

Joker wasn’t supposed to be this way, to feel this way, but here he was. Here he was with this strange feeling in his chest that caused him to worry over this eccentric unstable girl. He found himself scolding her the days she forgot to eat, reminding her to take medications that kept her from going to a dark place that even unnerved him, he found himself killing his own employees when he caught them eyeing her or heard one of them call her a bitch. Nobody fucked with Harley, nobody fucked with his Queen.

Still in his ever working mind he wished she would disappear. He felt in a strange sort of twisted logic that if she disappeared whether through death or mystery that he wouldn’t feel these feelings any longer.

That was why when he crashed his car into the water he felt it was the perfect opportunity to rid himself of feelings. If he left her in the water he wouldn’t know if she drowned, if the crash killed her, if she got angry and left him, or if Batman took her away some place. It didn’t matter, she would be gone, and as soon as Harley was gone then these feelings ruining him would be gone as well.

It was funny how that hadn’t worked at all.

At first it had been fine enough…. For the first handful of days, it didn’t take long for him to tire of an empty queen sized bed. It didn’t take long for him to get sick of seeing her collection of dresses, he even started to kill employees in frustration instead of for fun. Killing was losing its fun, going to his club wasn’t as enjoyable as it had been when Harley had been by his side. Going home had been no better, when he was home he just thought about her. He thought about how clingy she used to be, the way she always sat on his lap or up against his side, she constantly trailed her finely manicured nails along his tattoos. She ruffled his hair when he was working knowing it would get on his nerves, when he was in a rage she would urge him on until he would finally pin her against the nearest surface. She would bite his neck and chest so hard that he wasn’t sure if he hated it or loved it, he would kiss her with a passion that made her go weak in the knees, and he would feel that loss of control the moment she would whisper for him to choke her.

He missed the feeling of her soft warm skin pressed against him, he missed the warmth of her, he missed the sting of her nails clawing at his back, and the sound of her voice as she moaned for him. She had been his, completely, and utterly his.

….And he threw her away.

The Joker was completely in love and love meant he was utterly fucked.


End file.
